"My brain is frazzled" as the lockdown bites again

The pandemic robbed her of the chance to sit A levels. But she ended up with three As and is now studying journalism at the University of Brighton (Eastbourne campus).

Here is her latest contribution.

"It was only when I sat down this week to write down everything I had to say, I realised that I really don’t have anything to say. Not because I feel that I have exhausted every noteworthy topic or event in the past however-many-weeks I have written my column or that I just simply ‘can’t be bothered’, but this temporary mental lapse comes completely down to the fact that my brain is frazzled. It seems silly really that in a period where as a nation we are being instructed to rest, my brain seems to be fuller than ever with things that I wouldn’t normally think twice about. I think back to my GCSEs when I committed myself to learning quote upon quote of century-old literature, yet now the thought of writing up a simple summary gives me the mindset of a two-year-old ready to have a tantrum. Of course the sheer amount of work assigned at university far out-weighs that of which I studied at secondary school, but knowing that there is no consolation of meeting friends or eating out after a long day of revision shrinks the motivation to nearly zero.

"I could pinpoint this lack of drive to a number of sources that I think will resonate with many. The shorter days, the increased boredom and the ‘Groundhog Day-ness’ of Lockdown 3.0 is reason alone for me to crave anything but actually leaving my bed and sit scribbling away about public affairs, when just a year ago I would have been out of the house by 7:30 in the morning without a second thought. This fear that I will not be able to regain that passion for productivity when (or if) life returns to, what we would call, normal is something that plagues my mind on a regular basis at the moment. However, to take my own advice here would be the most sensible solution, despite it being something I tend to stupidly ignore.

"Feeling unmotivated or apathetic is a universal experience, but I live in the knowledge that even if I procrastinate on a certain task until the day that it is due, it will get done. My body and mind won’t physically let me bypass an activity that needs completing, particularly if it is part of something I feel as passionately about as my degree or anything that I know will contribute to a future I am building. I don’t know if I will ever be able to master the art of a successful balance of work and rest without feeling either guilty or exhausted, but in a sense that is part of what makes us human, the feeling that we always should be doing more or less and never being entirely happy with the in-between. In fact, I just wrote a 485-word article about not having anything to say, and that is an in-between that I certainly can’t complain about."