Spare a thought for the French-it's hard to make coconut wine!

Apparently, this is the dullest January in living memory! Having broken records in wettest, driest, windiest, hottest etc: we are now discussing weather in psychological terms. Wait for the 'most uplifting February of all time', or the 'coolest March in living memory', 'April trips in with psychedelic warmth'. All I care about is the fact that January is over!

Whatever February throws at us, I can now count the days, which are getting noticeably longer. Of course, by the time you read this, the 'Siberian' cold snap from Russia will be upon us, with bitingly cold winds, and sub-zero temperatures.

Hang on. What about global warming? What is happening in Russia? Shouldn't things be getting warmer? I thought that the half a degree increase in the waters of Antarctica was going to change everything, forever?

Mind you, the Romans made wine in this country about 2,000 years ago, and a south sloping field on the Nannau estate in Snowdonia was once a vineyard. I look forward to the days when plenty of good quality wine is made in this country again (of course we do have vineyards in the south east today), and we all have three-hour siestas in the afternoon. Our materialism will disappear, as we adopt the relaxed, Mediterranean attitude to life. Spare a thought for the French though; it is very difficult to make wine from coconuts!

Gwyn Jones's Farm Diary appears every week in the West Sussex Gazette. To read the full version of this column see January 26 issue